Doing what I can

Mr. Twinkle Toes,
I know that you see Daddy and I have been having a rough time lately. It is so hard, comming up to what should have been your first birthday. I wanted so much to have a party for you, with birthday cake and everything...
I'm doing what I can though. I got a phone call the other night congratulating me on having you, and asking if I was still interested in doing a study now that you are almost one year old. I replied with I would if you were here, but since you had died I didn't think I qualified.
I spoke to Lori, and she said you and I are going to make a difference again. She is going to the ethics board to talk about how they can prevent things like this from happening. I even said that I would go to the meeting and speak if they needed me to.
I wish everything was different. I wish you were here. I love you, to the Moon and Back Baby Boy.
Love,
Momma