Kinda Lost

Hi Bud

It's nice and sunny out there today (Mom says thanks). I'm lost without you bud. I have your Mom here with me, and I have all of my friends and family, but there's just something missing, and that something is you. I told your Mom that I don't won't to celebrate Christmas or any kind of holidays this year, I hope everyone understands. I just don't want to celebrate without you.
I'm lost, I get up and go through the motions, but i'm just not here. I've gained a ton of weight (Eating helps me cope with pain). I just want to shut myself off from everyone and everything. I'm doing my best to keep it together for your Mom, but I just feel lost. I wish you were here with us today, I would have loved to have taken you out for a walk today in your really cool stroller that your Grandpa and Grandma W bought for you. It's really nice, you would have looked so cool in it. I see other fathers pushing their sons around and I feel so cheated, this was my time. Sorry Bud, I don't mean to bring you down.
Gonna go now and chill out.

Love Always

Your Dad