Sunny Day

Good Morning Mr. Twinkle Toes
It was hard to get up this morning. My heart felt heavy, my stomach hurt, knowing that we want to make this the year to do something. I'm really missing you.
Then Champ jumped on the bed, and gave me so many kisses, I'm sure some of them were from you, telling me to get up.
So, I got up. It is a beautiful sunny day. I got dressed and took Champ out right away for a play. It makes me smile to have Champ here. I'm sure your glad to, he gets me up and moving, and always keeps us laughing.
I love you, to the Moon and Back. I know I will see you one day, but its not today. I don't know when, but I will do my best to take care of myself, so when you see me, I will be at my best.
Love
Momma

1 Year ends another Year begins

Here is the beautiful memorial that Grandma W placed in our local Paper.


Jack, this is a time for your Momma and I to reflect on the past year, what we did, what we didn't do, and I know that you are looking at us where ever you are and wanting us to get on with our lives, live them to the fullest, not just for us but for you.


Don't worry Buddy we will


Love

Dad

February 22

My Baby Boy,
I'm not sure yet how I feel. So many things all at once.
It was one year ago today I was driven down to Toronto, after my c-section to meet you. How can I put into words... I was in complete total awe. You were magic lying there, you were, and are, my son.
How can I put into words... meeting the team of doctors, nurses and workers, hearing all that we were facing. I will never forget the feeling of that scream welling up from somewhere inside me. I remember swallowing it, thinking there will be time enough later for screaming.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this... I'll write more later.
Right now, the only thing I know is how much I miss you. How much I am thank you, for being with us, for the time we had, was the best time of my life.
Love
Momma

Happy 1st B-Day Buddy

Happy 1st Birthday Jack

I really didn't want to be saying it like this, I wanted cards, a party, clowns, presents, cake, the whole nine yards, but all we have is this.
Your Momma is here helping me along and keeping me going and everyone else is fantastic, but I still miss you with such a heavey heart. The other day I saw a man pushing his son along in his stroller just like the one Grandma and Grandpa W got for you and that really made me sad, but then I got a smile on my face when I thought if you were here you would be getting me to run them off the side walk with our stroller:)

Your Momma and I will go out to visit you today and your spot, it's cold out today Buddy, dress warm

Love your DAD

Birthday Star

Hi Baby Boy,
Tonight has sure been a rough one. Daddy and I both remembering one year ago, and how everything began. It was pretty scary, more so now I think, remembering it more clearly.
I coulnd't sleep. I wasn't really expecting to anyways, so I took Champ out to look at the stars. I love going to the middle of the yard, its so dark, perfectly quiet... and then, just as I was telling you I love you, I saw a shooting star.
Shooting stars have always been magic for me. Thank you Baby Boy.
I love you to the Moon and Back. Happy 1st Birthday
Love
Momma

These few days...

Good Morning my Baby Boy.

I'm so torn between being angry, and happy. I made a list the other day of why I've been so angry, and the top 3 reasons are that
1. You arn't here
2. Tomorrow is your first birthday, and I can't have you here to celebrate it
3. Realizing that this marks our "year of firsts" but it really isn't going to make a difference wheather its our year of firsts, or tenth. You still arn't going to be able to be here
I want though, to be happy tomorrow. It is the day you were born, and I got to meet you, see your face, your nose, your red hair... That in itself is worth celebrating forever for. You are, and always will be my Son. Regardless of where you are. You are in my heart.
I love you, to the Moon and Back.
Love,
Momma