Just Not the same

Morning Buddy

I'm hanging out here alone today, your Momma has went down to T.O. to see your Grandma and Grandpa Wetherald. I don't know why but I really didn't want to see anyone this weekend. I think there's two reasons. First, as you know your Mom and I are not all that religous, and this whole easter holiday is based around organized religon, and I guess I'm thinking that any kind of "Great" God that would steal away an innocent baby from a couple who have already been put through so much pain, I really don't want anything to do with them. Second, Easter is also all about children, about kids getting chocolate easter bunnies and hunting for easter eggs, and right now I'm just so mad because this was gonna be your first easter and I was gonna get you the biggest easter bunny there was (Even thought I would have had to help you eat it) and seeing and hearing about all of the other kids with their easter treats makes me really sad and miss you soo much.
I hope that people realize that it's not them personally that I don't want to see, it's just that seeing them makes me sad and miss ya Bud.
Your Momma just phoned me on the cell phone from Toronto to say she got down there O.K., she says her stomach hurts a bit, but I told her to just take it easy, so don't worry about her buddy.
Happy easter Buddy, here's a treat for you:) Don't eat it all at once (Who ami I kidding your my son , of course you'll eat it all at once)



Love you always

Your Dad

Peter Pan

My Baby Boy I found this quote from Peter Pan, I thought of you "The second star to the right and straight ahead till morning" Maybe when my journey on earth is through, thats how I'll find you again... I miss you so much. I feel guilty for wanting to be healthy and move again. Today, I'm thankful for quiet times. I love you.
Moma

Your Tattoo

Evening Buddy

It's late thursday night and I can't sleep so i'm listening to Radiohead's O.K. Computer CD and i'm putting together a few ideas I have for your memorial tatto i'm going to get. I think it's going to be a straight ahead "Old School" tat with just your name and RIP written over the top of your name. I'm toying with the idea of adding some cool looking flames to it (Just because you were a beautiful fire in your Momma's belly). I'll post a picture of it once it's finished.
Your Momma and I got a really great email today from your nurse at Sick Kid's in Toronto, her name was Sandi, do you remember her? she was the lady who helped you hold on so your Momma could get down there and get a chance to hold you and talk to you. Both your Momma and I cannot put into words the thanks we have for her, she really makes a difference in this world.
I hope you don't mind buddy but I had your Momma put away a picture of you that we had out, it was the one with you hooked up to all of the tubes and wires, I don't think it was all of that stuff that was bothering me, I think it was that in the pic you looked so pink and healthy and everytime I see the picture I just want ot reach into it and pick you up and hold onto you so tight. It's not fair, I don't want these stupid pictures, I want my baby boy. Why? Why did this happen to us?
Sorry Buddy, I sometimes get off track (And start crying a bit when i'm typing).
Have a good night Buddy and say high to Grandpa T

Love your Dad

A Test

Hi Baby Boy, today feels like a test of my strength, and I don't know if I'm up to the challenge. I'm tired, and I miss you more than the world, and I hate that I can't pick you up out of the picture and hold you in my arms. Somehow under all this sadness I have to pick myself up and get through every day. Your daddy is one strong man, he inspires me to get up everyday, I know you would have his strength. Today I am thankful for my doctors, who are all working to help me through this and make sure I get through this healthily
Love you Baby Boy
Moma

Raindrops

Good Morning Baby Boy, I didn't want to get up today, but I did, I got up and went for a walk right away. I saw the yellow buttercups, I think they were hiding from the rain. I'm sad. I want you here to walk with me, I don't want to walk alone. I know you're in my heart, but its not the same, I want you here with me and daddy.
Today I'll be thankful for rainy days, just like your daddy likes, and a hot cup of tea to curl up with. I love you Mr. Twinkle Toes, I hope you're dancing in the rain. I would dance with you, and daddy would laugh at us.
Love, Moma

Being Thankful

Good Morning Baby Boy.
I've decided that everyday, regardless of what kind of day I'm having, I'm going to type at least one thing I'm thankful for, or something positive I see (and those who know me, will understand my sense of what is positive ie. dandylions) So here goes; everyday, in equal order I am thankful for having had YOU Jack, for my husband Joe, our family and friends (I may not type that every day, but it is always the top 3)
Today I am thankful for the wild bunch of dandylions across the road, they are so strong and look pretty yellow growing out of the dirt.
I love you Baby Boy,
Moma

Spring

Hi Baby Boy. Did you see me go for a walk today? I thought of you every step. I saw the yellow buttercup flowers peek out from behind a rock, and the green grass that grows up from the dirt at the side of the road, its starting to sprout too. I came home and blew lots of bubbles into the sunshine. Did you see all the colours ? They flew right to the tops of the tree, then the breeze blew the wind chime- was that you laughing? it made me smile. I love you so much.
Moma

Monday Morning

Morning Buddy

Well it's a start to another week. At least this week will be a short one since I have Friday off. I hope your day goes well, Mom was wondering last night as we laid in bed, is there time were you are? do you go to sleep? if so then you better be getting to sleep at a good time (I sure your Great Grandpa Townes who is looking after you makes sure your in bed at a good time). I wish I didn't have to go into work today, I really need to take a few days off and get the house back into some kind of order (Since you have been gone your Mom and I haven't been doing too much around here). I have to vacum and dust your room too. I'm gonna have a shower soon and try and wake up. Your Mom is still sleeping, she needs her rest.
Mabey I haven't said it alot in my letter's but I sure do love your Mom Jack, I wouldn't have been able to get through all of this without her.
Well, have a good day Buddy and I'll talk to you later

Love
Your Dad