Crazy Days and Nights

Hello Baby Boy, How are you? I don't think I really ever ask you that do I ? I hope you're doing better than I am right now. I'm not having such a good night. I'm so tired of hearing that Daddy and I are doing so well, we are an example to others... An example of what I wonder. I miss you so much Baby Boy that sometimes I can't see straight, and my stomach hurts so much and I don't want to go out, and all I can feel is you moving around in my belly, even though you havn't been there for over 4 months now. I guess thats how it goes, its always easier to show people what they want to see, and act the part well enough that you don't know if you're acting or if you really are feeling better somedays...I'm not sure what I know of anything right now except that I want you back, and some days its too much to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time is all I can do.
I love you to the moon and back Baby Boy.
Love Momma

Teasing the Ducks

Morning buddy

Well I'm off to work in a little bit, just wanted to drop you a quick note. Did you see the boy duck and the girl duck in our back yard yesterday? I know you did, it was probably you chasing them around the yard (That's my Boy)

. I was sure glad that your Momma got some more answers yesterday from Dr.Kim, that really helped.

Well I'm off to work, if you could do me a favour and drop something on someone today that would be great :)

Love ya Jack

Dad

P.S

I'm sure you've been watching Baby Boy, but there are so many wonderful people out there who have been so supportive and encouraging. I wanted to say Thank You for everyone's kind words and wishes for my trip to the city today, and for everyday thoughtfulness. Maybe you could twinkle your toes Baby Boy and send everyone a wish.
Sweet Dreams Mr. Twinkle Toes
Love Momma

A Long Day

Hi Mr. Twinkle Toes, you sure let me know you were with me today, from dancing along with Prince, to the incredible thunderstorm when I got off the bus in Toronto (although you could have held off on the rain Mr... I got soaked, and I have no doubt you were laughing) I was so glad to meet Dr. Kim I'm sure you remember his kindness. I know he and all the staff took amazing care of you. Dr. Kim helped me understand what happened on your inside baby boy, why your little body just couldn't fight, and confirmed once and for all that when Daddy and I let you go, it was in total peace and love, that there was not a chance anything else could be done. I'm so sad though. Everyone says we are doing great... they don't see me curled up in bed, not sure how to live through some days without you, or how to ever be truly happy again. I thought it might be hard going into the hospital again, but I looked forward to seeing the mural with "Star Light Star Bright" painted, and the picture of the Turtle. It made me remember seeing the look on Daddy's face when you were in his arms for the first time, and when Daddy laid you in my arms. That is where we had you. Going into, and being at the hospital was easy. It was leaving again that I had a good cry, feeling like I was leaving you all over again. I'm so tired now. I miss you so much Baby Boy. You were the best time of my life. I love you to the moon and back.
Love Momma

Dr.'s Reports...

Hi Baby Boy, You must be working for me today, and I love you so much. I got a call from Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, do you remember being there? with nurse Sandi, Alison and Dr. Kim... well tomorrow I am going to get to meet with Dr. Kim and hear from him the reports for you Baby Boy. I'm not sure it will be anything I havn't already heard, but I need to hear it from Dr. Kim, and also, he is the last person I have to thank, for helping you to hold on untill I could be with you. To get to thank Dr. Kim is very important to me. So a very special thank you to Lori for helping me keep in touch at Sick Kids and helping arrange this, and to a woman named Jewel, for contacting me to arrange to meet Dr. Kim. I am very grateful.
Thank you so much for the Thunder this morning Mr. Twinkle Toes, I know you are watching me dance. I can feel you dancing with me.
I love you to the moon and back
Love Momma

Just like riding a bike

Hi Baby Boy, Did you send that rainbow for Daddy to see? Daddy was so excited to tell me he saw it when he picked me up from the bus. I sure had a nice visit with Grandpa W. and Grandma W. drove me to the bus and we had a nice talk too. I'm getting really nervous about going back to work. I'm worried I won't remember anything, and will freak out (as only us red heads can do) But everyone keeps telling me "its just like riding a bike, you never really forget what to do, you just think you forget" I'll hope thats true for work too. I really liked what I did, I'm sure you remember it too. I was sure your first words would be my opening greeting "thank you for calling sprint together with nextel, my name is Karen, how may I help you?" I miss you so much. I was thinking tonight, how much I wanted someone to bring me a balloon that said "Its a Boy" in the hospital, and how much Daddy wanted a sign for the car that said "baby on board" We should have had those. We should have you. I know that what ever you're doing now though, it is good, because Daddy and I would have taught you to do good things for others and yourself. I love you with all my heart and soul Baby Boy, thats what I say to your Daddy all the time too.
Its late now, Sweet Dreams Mr. Twinkle Toes
Love Momma

A new day

Good Afternoon Mr. Twinkle Toes. I sure am tired out today. Your Daddy and I had a pretty rough night, but it ended up being good. I like it when Daddy and I can really talk out how we feel. I am so touched by how many people in the world arn't afraid to extend a hand, to let someone they don't even know, know they care. It all helps Daddy and I feel so much better, but we sure do miss you Baby Boy. I am also getting nervous as next Monday is my first day back to work...I think that is also going to add up this week. Don't you worry though, Daddy and I will get through it, and with a lot of Thanks, from our hearts to everyone who takes a minute to write. It sure is appriciated.
I love you to the moon and back Baby Boy.
Love Momma

Our Sunday Hike

Hi Jack

Your Momma and I went on a really nice hike today. At first we didn't think we would make it, but at the end we were really happy we pushed ourselves. The trails were so beautiful, here's some pictures.

Your Momma is not feeling so good tonight, and when she's not feeling well I feel bad because I don't know what to do, and tonight I yelled at her and now I feel so bad about it. I love your Momma with all my heart and soul and I just don't know how to make her feel better, she still hurts so much since you left us. I think i'll go and lie down with her for a bit and see how she's feeling.

If mabey you could have just stayed around none of this would be happening.

Love ya Buddy

Dad

P.S.

I went into your room and got looking at some of your stuff, pics of you, your locket of hair, then I went in and laid down beside your Momma and had a good cry, then we had a good talk, I think both of us feel a little better

Dad